Saturday, April 2, 2011

Sucker Punch

Today marks a big day for L'Entracte at the Movies: this will be my first negative review of a movie.

I recently watched a little movie known as Sucker Punch, written and directed by Zach Snyder. Now, I'm not going to mince words. I'm just going to come out and say it: this was the worst movie I have seen in years. I'd rather have a nuclear warhead shoved in my eyeball than watch that movie again*. Words can barely described why and how I hate this movie, but I am going to do my best in order for you, the readers, to understand why this movie needs to be avoided like the plague that it is.

First of all, I am going to lay all of the blame on Zach Snyder. A friend of mine once described him as a thirteen-year-old boy. The description is accurate. Sure, 300 was an enjoyable leather speedo-encased man-fest, and even Watchmen was a good adaption of the graphic novel with extremely gory and graphic scenes throughout; so I knew from the beginning that I was walking into a movie made by a man who enjoys two things: sex and violence - as many men do. Heck, even I enjoy a good action-packed film. But Suck Punch. This movie was every wet dream that all horny adolescent boys have ever had. It was disgusting. It was tacky. It was pathetic. The excuse that this was the first movie that Snyder has ever written is no excuse - this was just taken from a page from all of his sexual fantasies and brought to the screen. Snyder, someone needs to Sucker Punch you where the sun don't shine.

Now the story. This will be tricky to describe because there is no story. Even now I am having an incredibly difficult time deciphering the plot of the movie. It's been described as "Kill Bill meets Inception", and I can see where they get that, but I am grossly insulted by whatever moron dared to compare those two great movies to that piece of garbage.

The film begins with a wordless narration paired with a cover of a classic rock song to describe the story of a pig-tailed, bleached blonde, beautiful young woman who is grieved and horrified to learn that her mother has died, and her evil step-father is probably responsible because we need see him enraged to discover that in her will the mother left everything to her two daughters. Then Snyder does his classic and overdone throwing of something flammable into a pit of fire, thus creating an explosion (haven't seen that one before, Snyder). Evil stepfather turns on the girls, first locking up our heroine so that he can more easily get to the smaller and weaker daughter. Heroine manages to escape her locked room, but too late to save her sister. Distraught and holding a gun she dramatically doesn't kill her step-father. I know, beautiful, right? Step-father predictably locks her away in a mental institution that is made up entirely of beautiful young girls, and run by a cliché crooked orderly who takes money from the step-father to ensure that our heroine, who's name we come to learn is Baby Doll, won't talk and tell the truth about what really happened. Then we get another wordless sequence set against another cover of classic rock song to show the hell of being in the insane asylum. Then suddenly the story changes, and we're taken to a gritty bordello where the beautiful women who we saw in dramatic but silent shots of the hospital are the performers.

All of this is weird and weak, but the most infuriating part of this terrible movie is how pathetic the driving plot of this movie is. Of course, the girls want to escape, but they just can't! There are too many guards who are watching them too closely (but do we ever see these guards that are supposed encompassing this place? no). But Baby Doll is determined to escape. How will she do it, you ask? Well, she has a secret weapon - she has a sex tease dance that is hypnotic to any man who watches her, thus allowing the sexy squad of heroines to steal specific items from the dazed men; items like fire, a knife, and others that can only be taken from specific men because those things aren't common. But the great thing is that we never see these sexy dances. Every time Baby Doll begins she closes her big brown eyes that are weighed down by the most obscene fake eyelashes ever, and she is taken to different worlds where she and the gang of girls must fight zombie-Nazi-soldiers, dragons, ogres, and robots with giant guns and a samurai sword in bustiers and midriff-revealing school girl outfits. Super sexy. But the plan, the brilliant and  not needlessly convoluted plan, fails. And the end results are tragic, where the only one who escapes in the end is the oldest girl of the bunch - the one who has been complaining the whole time about how it's too dangerous and they shouldn't even try to escape because they'll get killed. Yeah. Being killed is so much worse that being a sex slave in a disgusting third-world equivalent of a Moulin Rouge from hell. What's more at the end of the movie, we're back to the mental institution, where (apparently) this was all an elaborate metaphor to describe the last five days for Baby Doll before she gets a lobotomy that was scheduled for her by the evil orderly. He gets caught and Baby Doll, thanks to the fact that she is a human vegetable, is now free from the prison that is her life. Tear for how beautiful and precious this story is.

Trash, crap, drivel, any negative name that you can give this film that is what it is. The only, and I mean only, redeeming quality of this movie is the fact that Jon Hamm is in the movie (for about three minutes total), and even that is a little depressing.

I know that this has been my longest and most detailed review yet, but I feel that I have a duty to everyone to describe how awful this movie is. If you're a horny boy who wants to get his jollies from hot young women wielding giant weapons, then have a ball. But if you have any dignity and any self-respect, not only will you avoid this movie, you'll try to kick Zach Snyder and who ever green lighted this movie square in the nuts if you ever get the chance.

*nuclear missile in the eyeball joke is from Kathleen Madigan - one of the best female comedians out there.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Rango

To start off, this movie took me by surprise. I remember distinctly when I first saw the trailer for Rango that I was not terribly impressed. I even said to myself, "I don't think I am going to watch that movie." But, obviously, I did. And, in truth, I'm glad I did. The only reason why I took a chance on this film was because a friend of mine recommended it to me. Hopefully I can do the same for you.

Rango is being marketed for children, and to be perfectly frank, it shouldn't. That's not saying that it's inappropriate, because it is entirely kid-friendly and appropriate for the youngsters. But the entire film is saturated with adult humor and jokes that next to zero children will get. Heck, there are even some references that may go above the heads of certain adults. With blatant references to Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, homage to Raising Arizona, and the Sergio Leone Spaghetti Westerns, these things are clearly not meant to make the child laugh, but the parent, or young adult who takes a chance on a "kids' movie". However, the movie still have more than enough to cheesy, slap-stick, and non sequitur jokes to remind us that need reasons to laugh out loud. Take them with a grain of salt and maybe a small eye-roll, and just go with it.

Hidden-humor aside, the story is actually pretty impressive, and substancial. If you think that this is going to be a Mr. Chicken scenario where a meek and cowardly nobody gets thrust into a position of power and responsibility due to a case of misunderstanding, you would actually be wrong. I was shocked too. It's actually more along the lines of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, where there's mistaken identities, sure, but the protagonist actually embraces it, and rolls with it. It's a classic Western, sure: a town has been overrun by a villainous group, and only the law and its noble sheriff is the only hope for the poor and powerless townspeople. But there's enough new spins on the story and philosophical questions of identity to keep things interesting. The story's loaded with Western clichés, put coupled with all of the homages and valid life lessons, it has some definite merit.

Finally, I just have to give praise to the animation of this film. It was impress. I mean, really impressive.

This wasn't the greatest movie I've seen in awhile, and it certainly won't be up for next year's Best Animated Feature, but it was entertaining and better than I assumed it would be. Maybe this will have given you just enough encouragement to give it a shot.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The King's Speech

Boy, I'll tell you what, I am soooo glad that I watched this movie before the Oscars, because I could not be happier with the fact that it won.

This was a great film, and worthy of the Best Picture Academy Award. And Colin Firth. I cannot tell you how happy I am that he won his first Academy Award this year. I have been in love with Colin ever since my mom had me watch the A&E production of Pride and Prejudice. And he truly did an amazing job. He had to take on the difficult task of faking a convincing stutter, which is not as easy as it seems, and play an incredibly difficult role. It can never be easy for an actor to portray a historical figure; there is so much that you literally have to live up to. But living up to King George V, "Bertie," was something that Colin Firth managed to do, and brilliantly, I might add.

Geoffrey Rush, too, did a fantastic job in his role of Lionel Logue, who gave a man the courage and the voice of a King. Although, I will admit, I am extremely happy that Christian Bale snagged the Oscar from him, Rush was more than deserving of the Best Supporting Actor nomination. And, though she didn't receive much praise for it, I was impressed with Helena Bonham-Carter as the loyal and loving wife of Bertie, Elizabeth. She was both charming and reserved, as one imagines most of the British as being.

The only thing that makes this movie rated R is a scene in the film where Bertie and Lionel let out a violent string of curse words as to "loosen the tongue." But that's the only reason why this film was rated R. No nudity, no violence, no drugs, no disturbing images.

I loved this film because I have a slight obsession with the British monarchy. Regardless of that, the film was worth it.

It is interesting and uplifting. A true testament to what can happen when the most unlikely person steps up to the challenge. And the costumes! Oh! Those costumes!!! I am a little said that The King's Speech didn't win the award for Best Costume Design. Admittedly Alice In Wonderland did have more elaborate and creative ones, but the early 1940's fashion in King's Speech is enough to make you cry and wish that men wore suits like that more often.

The film is a long one (1hour 50 minutes), but very interesting and enjoyable. I say bravo to The King's Speech. In my opinion it was the obvious choice for winner of Best Picture for 2011.


Monday, February 7, 2011

The Fighter

In preparation for the Oscars (which is like another holiday for me), I try to see as many of the films that are nominated. I usually never manage to see them all, but I try to see at least all of the Best Picture nominations. So far I've seen seven of the ten (that's a lot of movies and a lot of weekends spent at the theater). And after how few good movies there were in last year's nominations, I could not be anymore thrilled by how many good movies there are in this year's selection.

The last one I saw was The Fighter. The best way to describe this film came from a friend of mine who said that it is a cross between Rocky and Good Will Hunting with a little Remember the Titans thrown in there: the underdog boxer from Rocky (and when I say Rocky, I mean the first and truly only good one), the  foul-mouthed and harshly cruel Massachusetts-life from Good Will Hunting, and the inspiration that comes from watching a "based on a true story" type of movie like Remember the Titans. If you liked any or all of those films, then The Fighter is definitely worth watching. But there is a lot of boxing, and a lot of swearing, a lot of drug usage, and even some nudity. If those things are a deal breaker, then walk away.

What made this movie so good and worth watching was Christian Bale's performance. I like CB an awful lot, and I had heard over and over again how he's going to win the Oscar for best supporting actor. After watching his performance, I sincerely hope that he wins, because he was amazing. His performance as a washed-up, crack addicted former boxer was absolutely incredible. He was pathetic, but so tragically humanly that you couldn't despise him; you ached for him, especially when he comes to the realization of what he is and what he's doing to his family. If Christian Bale doesn't win the Oscar for this performance I will be extremely disappointed in the Academy.





The other thing that makes this movie so very interesting is the way they filmed it. It was raw. There is no other way to describe it. A good chunk of the time the used grainy and unpolished footage, like the kind that is used to film live boxing matches. Other times the filming technique is similar to a documentary, where a hand-held camera takes quick pans. It made the movie feel more real, and reminds us that these things really did happen to the characters.


I felt that The Fighter was a great film, but I honestly don't think that it will win Best Picture of 2011. But that shouldn't stop you from watching an excellent film that is definitely worth the nomination.